Getting Started

     So, this is my first time starting a blog, but I have seen others start it, and I figured with all the time I spend at home, it would be good for me!  Hope I don't bore anyone to sleep lol.  Well, let's see.  Our family has gone through hell and back for the last year, and I think finally it is starting to settle down.  I guess we can start somewhere in last year, and catch up real quick!
      The beginning of last year, we were in Colorado, had just done a lot to our house to make it more "ours".  We had settled in, I was working from home doing day care, and we were doing okay.  Unfortunately, we found out Brian's step-dad was very sick.  It started at pneumonia, then cancer, then no cancer.  And then the worst news: he had cancer that had spread all over his body and there was nothing else we could do for him.  The doctor estimated that he had about six months to live.  Now, I didn't know Lou the way I would have liked.  Lord knows the man scared the hell out of me!  I am finding out over the last year that he had a tender side.  Not many people saw it, but when you did, it was awesome!  I wanted to go see him, but I knew that I would have the kids, and with the pain meds that he was on, it made him really out of it and plain cranky sometimes.  They didn't need to see him like that.  I still wish I did though.  I wanted to tell him so many things.  But, what was more important at the time, was that Brian see him, and work through the troubles that the two of them had while Brian was growing up.  I remember a week before Lou passed, Brian came home and just collapsed in my arms.  Three words from Lou made my husband crumble.  You never know how important those words are until you hear them at a very vulnerable moment.  I held my husband and I knew there were only more tears to come, and saw Brian in such a defenseless position.  At no time since I have known him, have I seen him like that.  It's hard to be the strength for someone that has always been the same for you.  One week later, on April 5th, 2010, we sat down to eat dinner.  I even remember what we were eating.  How sad is that?  We hadn't even taken a bite, and my phone rings.  It's Jennifer, and I can hear it in her voice.  "I called Brian, but he didn't answer.  Are you around him?"  Ten minutes later, and my husband is racing up the hill to be with his family as Lou was losing his fight.  Ever since that night, we have learned so much in his passing.  We have learned what needs to be important in our lives.  And that is family and love.  I consider his blood my blood.  I have gained two sisters, two brothers, and another mom.  I was given that chance when I married him.  I wrote a lot about that on my facebook.  I look at my whole life different now.  Thank you for teaching me and Brian so much, Lou.  We miss you just as much today as we did the day you left. 
     A few months passed, and everything was going great.  Until I went into the doctor to have the dreaded "yearly".  We had a procedure the year before called a LEEP.  That took all the bad cells they found then off of the surface of my cervix.  We had already decided that we were done having children, so we decided to go ahead with getting my tubes tied.  I signed the paperwork the day I went into the doctor.  About a week later, I get a call saying the cells had gotten worse, and we needed to do another biopsy.  It was suggested at that time, that I could get a hysterectomy if I didn't want to have all the procedures on my cervix.  After a few days of talking with Brian, and doing a lot of soul searching in me, we decided to talk to the doctor directly and see what he thought.  He agreed, so we did the hysterectomy.  This has changed me so much.  I feel empty a lot of the time.  Some people have told me, "You were done having kids anyway.  And now no monthly!"  That's not the point.  Tying my tubes was my choice, and even later down the road, if we really wanted and were financially capable we could do IVF or a tube reversal.  I felt like even though we chose to do the hysterctomy, it also felt like our only option to keep me healthy.  Now I can't have any children.  No possibility that I can carry a child.  And my dream of giving my best friend a baby of her own was dead.  I was serious about carrying a child for my best friend.  We had talked about it for years because her body couldn't handle it.  I let her down.  My body let her down.  I see pregnant women and get teary eyed.  I envy people who just find out they're pregnant, even though I'm happy for them.  It's getting better, but it's still hard.  The occasional hot flashes don't help either!
    A couple weeks after my surgery, Brian lost his job.  He was unable to find one in Colorado, even with interview after interview.  The bills were piling up, and we were about to lose the house, so we let it go.  By the graces of God, we have been able to move in with some very good friends in Washington state, and are working on getting out on our own.  Brian is already working, making over twice what he was before, and I will be getting paid soon too.  It seems like our luck is turning up, but not without the help of wonderful family and friends.  Sorry if this is so long, but I promise the next ones shouldn't be!!!  Thanks anybody for reading and hope this finds everyone well!