My Grandma...

     She was a wonderful woman, inside and out.  She was my adopted grandma, but you could never tell.  I would stay over with them on the weekends and do so many things with them.  I still remember so many things about her.  The house she and Grandpa lived in; I still remember exactly where it is.  I drove by it a lot when I lived in Iowa and I would just smile.  I used to play backgammon with the kids next door to them, I picked the apple tree with Grandpa, and she made the best homemade oatmeal ever.  I regret not staying in contact with her after I moved out of my adoptive parents house.  I guess here is another blast from the past for anyone that doesn't know about my teenage life, lol.
    In my previous posts, I have talked about how I was adopted and all that jazz.  I was welcomed into the whole family with open arms.  That's one of the great things I remember.  It wasn't all bad when I lived with Mike and Lorraine (my adoptive parents).  I still have pictures with me sitting with Grandma and Grandpa at Christmas's, the adoption party when they brought me home as theirs.  The whole family was there to celebrate.  It was wonderful.  But, I know I was pretty messed up in the head from what had happened to me, so it definitely didn't make it easy for Mike and Lorraine.  Even though I don't remember everything, Lorraine has shed some light on how I was back then.  They had some issues in their marriage, and of course, what couple doesn't have money problems?  All of that added onto a child that didn't know up from down made it hard, and they really weren't prepared for all of me when they brought me home, lol!  So, as I got older, it got more difficult for all of us.  I was drinking in eighth grade, which now I laugh on.  Who in the hell thinks they can get away with drinking on the school bus?  Lol.  Oh, well, we live we learn, right?  We moved to Colorado at the very end of my eighth grade year in school, and it just got worse.  I was hanging around with the wrong crowd, had started to smoke, and ended up making some stupid decisions.  I had some pretty crappy things happen in my freshman year of high school, none of which I want to post on here.  There are certain things that I don't like to tell, and this would be one of them.  You can message me at any time to ask though.  Certain people I would be okay with discussing it with.  Anyway, Lorraine blamed me, called me names, and kicked me out of the house. 
     After that, I didn't have any contact with my grandma and grandpa.  I didn't plan it that way, I was never upset with them for the turn of events.  I guess for some reason I thought there would be more time, that looking them up and calling them or sending a letter could wait one more day.  And now she's gone.  I feel awful because I don't remember the last time I heard her voice, but I hear it in my head.  I remember even after all these years how she smelled.  I can't even describe it, but I can smell it.  I remember her hugs were amazing.  I heard the stories of her chasing Lorraine through the house because she had stayed out late lol.  I remember the day we had Great-Grandma's funeral, and the celebration of life we had later that day.  It was at their house.  And even though she knew I was having problems with Mike and Lorraine, she always said that she loved me.  I still have a birthday card from right before I moved out.  She was always supportive, even if she didn't agree with me being a little shit.  I will never forget you Grandma, and I hope you know I never have.  I love you.
    Since I have been working on this blog for most of today, I have some news to tell everyone!  My baby girl is growing up.  We have officially given Sayde her first stick of deodorant.  My heart bleeds!!!  Anyway, write soon!